Pogged

By heck, I'm pogged. ( Translation- Full up, eaten too much, bursting at the seams. )

After a rather substantial evening meal consisting of home made meat and tater pie with all the trimmings and trifle for afters, we got ourselves prepared for the trick or treaters. My little girl got dressed up as a witch and my boy as a wizard. A large bowl of spogs, (sweets, candy.) was placed on the table next to the front door.

We'd just started ducking for apples when the first knock came. My kids rushed to the door and dispensed the goodies to 3 little kids. We carried on with the game getting thoroughly soaked in the process and then another knock at the door. This is it I thought, we'll be up and down all night now. We waited and waited, but in vain. We didn't get another caller. I stuck my head out of the door but I couldn't see a trick or treater in sight. As I shut the door, I looked at the still full bowl of sweets and thought, what the hell.

That's why I'm pogged!

Late Blog

A bit of a late blog tonight because I've received my course details from vision2learn. It seems like a lot of stuff to take in. I don't know if my two brain cells will cope. I've spent the last hour and a half navigating the site and have completed the induction. I will start on part one tomorrow.

Toodlepip.

The Pumpkin Lantern

My little girl has been pestering me for a couple of weeks now to buy a pumpkin. I kept putting her off, telling her it was too soon and if we bought it too early it would go off.

Well, last night on a shopping trip to Asda, there was a humongus pile of them as you walked into the store, so we got one. When we got home she wanted to make a lantern there and then, but as it was bedtime, I told her we'd do it tonight.

I was home a bit later than norm from work this evening and as soon as I was through the door she wanted me to get the knife to it straightaway. I made her wait till I'd had my tea and then I tackled the beast.

I sliced the top off and told my girl to scoop out the seeds and flesh. She was still at it half an hour later and boy the mess. She was covered in pumpkin seeds and orange flesh. Nobody told me it was sticky and smelly. The contents of that pumpkin were all over the place. Anyway, after I cut some eyes, a nose and a mouth in it and lit a tea candle inside the thing, it did look quite eerie. My girl wanted to take it to bed with her but we decided against that idea. My wife took her for a bath while I tidied up. I'm finding pumpkin seeds in the most unusual places.

Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj...... oops sorry, just found one between my letter "J" and "K"

Blog title

When I first started my blog I found it difficult to come up with a title for it. My wife kept telling me that I was a grumpy old bugger and at the time I guess I was, but that was when I was laid up for 4 weeks following an hernia operation. Also at the time, there had been a programme on the telly, called the Grumpy Old Men. So, I thought, that is what I'll call my blog, Grumpy Old Man.

So why the heck did I call it Angry Old Man?

Perhaps I had memory loss, when I signed up for Blogger. Why the balderdash did I put Angry when I should have put Grumpy. Grumpy I am, (but not all of the time!) Angry, hardly ever, except when I'm waiting for a bus for half an hour that should come every 10mins, and then goes sailing past, full. Also the sound of the fire klaxon at work when they test it and leave it blaring for 10mins. It doesn't half get your ears ringing. Oh, and also queuing up in the post office in my lunch break only to be behind the person who has got a trillion letters to post to 100 different countries, and has to weigh everyone of them. And while I'm at it........

No I won't go on.

Perhaps Angry is the right word.

Ho,hum.

Back to it

After the excitement of my birthday yesterday, it was back to work today and what a traumatic day it was.

When I got in I discovered that the film processor had been broken since the previous day. A service engineer had been in to try and fix it but had found that it needed a part. It was down to be delivered pre 10.30 this morning. We waited all morning for that part, but it never showed up , so I got on the phone to try and track it down and was told that it wouldn't arrive until tomorrow.

That part isn't traumatic, explaining to about 50 customers why their film isn't ready, is. Some of them understand the situation and are quite pleasant, others are downright nasty and must take a perverse pleasure in trying to humiliate you. I've got a unique way to cope with people who are shouting at me. I smile pleasantly, but not in a way that they could think I'm laughing at them, and then I visualize them standing in front of the counter just wearing their underwear. Works for me everytime.

By the way, what colour are you wearing today?

51 years old today

I was sneaking a bit of a lie in this morning when I heard giggling outside my bedroom door.

"Have you got yours?"

"Shhh! Quiet, he'll hear us and yes I've got mine."

The door opened slowly, I heard another Shhhh, and then all of a sudden two little kids were bouncing on top of me.

"Happy Birthday, Daddy, here's your cards and presents."

My little girl is just learning how to write, but she'd put, "to the best Dad in the world." on hers. Lump in the throat time. They had both bought me chocolate, (bang goes the diet!). I also got the latest Status Quo CD- XS All Areas and Peter Kay's new DVD, "that Peter Kay thing."

We had a birthday buffet for lunch and my wife had baked the biggest choccy cake I've ever seen. It was delicious.

I don't feel like I'm 51, more like 28. With two kids, you can't be too old gifferish.

Now then, were did I put my Zimmer frame!

Thanks for linking

Thanks to Carolyn's Comments for linking to me.

Apple Day

Being such a nice day, weather wise,we went to our favourite haunt Oakwell Hall today.

They were holding their annual apple day, a bit like Cannon Halls pear day I posted about previously.There were numerous varieties of apples to taste and choose from, but you were restricted to 6 apples each, because last year there were so many people turned up that they ran out early on.

We chose our apples and then wandered around the place. The sun was shining and it got quite warm. Very pleasant, not bad for October. The place looks really nice with the trees showing their Autumn colours. We were amused watching a couple of squirrels collecting beech nuts and then burying them under the bushes.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the battle of Agincourt, it is also St Swithens day and also, I was born 51 years ago in 1953.

Were have the years gone?

Not a good picture because it's taken by camphone..see post Flat Pack Man. 

The Flat Pack Man

I bought a corner unit today in order to fit my TV, VCR, and DVD player on.

It came flat packed. The picture in the Index catalogue looked really good. It's mahogany with diamond leaded glass doors. (I know, I know, well my wife likes it anyway.)

I started on it after teatime, around 6pm( dinner to the poshies and our friends from across the pond surfing on Blog Explosion.) I said to the wife that it would only take me an hour at the most. Four hours later it was finished.

It looks pretty good. It looks magnificent. Best thing since sliced bread.

My wife is watching me write this post.

You can decide yourself when I post a picture of it.

Scared

I was scared, very scared.

The wind was howling outside. The rain was lashing at the windows. I looked over at my alarm clock. The neon display read 6.00. in red numbers. Time to face him I thought. I quickly went out of my bedroom and walked across the landing. I hesitated a moment, outside his door, plucking up courage I guess. I opened the door, my heart skipping a beat and there he was, looking at himself in the mirror.

"Did you know that real vampires can't see themselves in mirrors." I said to Count Dracula. (aka my son.)

"Do you think I look scary, Dad?"

"Don't worry lad, dressed like that, you'd better watch out for Buffy."

It was the night of the school disco aptly named "Spooky Doo Disco."

When we finally got there through the appalling weather, there were quite a few Draculas along with witches and little devils plus the odd one or two that I couldn't make out what they were supposed to be. All the kids have finished school for half-term and are off for a week, so my two are at home on holiday.

I'm scared, very scared!

Count Dracula

My lad is going to the Spooky Doo disco at the school tomorrow evening dressed as Count Dracula, so we had a trial run tonight, getting the makeup on.

I managed to buy some stage makeup the other day from the supermarket, which includes fake blood, (cherry flavour!)

Well, what a palaver. It was a struggle to make him up, but when we'd finished, boy , did he look scary, especially with the false fangs and the blood dribbling down from his mouth. He nearly spooked me!

It was all for nowt though, because when I looked at the ticket to find out what time it starts, there's a paragraph that states that fake blood is not allowed in any shape or form. All I can guess is they must have had an accident in the past and couldn't tell real blood from the fake. Never mind, he still looks good without the blood, and besides he has now said that he doesn't like cherry flavour.

Kerry who posts on Diary of a Stay at Home Mum has a link to Blog Explosion on her site, so I clicked on it and have joined myself. The link is in the sidebar for anyone who wants to try it.

Thanks Kerry.

A course in IT

Whilst surfing on the net, I found a website that offers free courses in IT.

Now I'll be the first to admit that my knowledge of computers and information technology, whilst being past the beginners stage, could do with a bit of perking up, hence the need to expand my horizons. So I've signed up for the next steps in IT course with Vision 2 Learn.

The course covers spreadsheets, data bases and web-page construction plus a few others. You study from home but have a personal tutor who you can phone or E-mail. Average length to complete the course is 8-10 months when you sit an exam. If you pass the exam, you get a qualification in IT. Just the job for middle aged bloke like me who left school with just 3 O-levels. One of those was in skiving!

If you want to know more click on the link.

Who knows, I might learn enough to brighten up this blog.

End of the salad days

It was finally the end of my home grown tomatoes today.

The vines looked all sad and withered when I opened the greenhouse door. There were a couple of nice toms hanging on but a fair few green ones that the snails had chewed. Time to go, old fellows, I thought. So I started pulling the plants up. By the time I'd finished, there were a couple of pound of decent ripish toms and enough green ones to make some chutney. All the old vines, I'll save for bonfire night, which around here has started already judging by the amount of fireworks going off every night.

Which reminds me.

I'll need to lay in a stock off sweeties for the trick or treater brigade who'll probably start knocking on my door anytime now. Then straight after that the "penny for a guy" kids will turn up, closely followed by the carol singers.

They'll get one of two responses depending on what mood I'm in.

"Can you come back nearer the time," or........

"Bugger off."

The Shoplifter

With 5 minutes left to go before the shop closed, the store detective caught a shoplifter.

Now the store detective is always catching shoplifters and very good she is at it, but this one was different because I saw the whole thing. Normally, I don't get to see anything because I'm always in the lab, but tonight I was last man standing and was covering the counter for the last quarter of an hour.

She was a young woman pushing a baby in a buggy. The SD had hold of one arm and a supervisor had hold of the other arm, and they were trying to direct her to the security room. She was having none of it. She was struggling like mad , proclaiming her innocence at the top of her voice. "Let go of me, you effing bastards, I ain't got nowt."

Thats when I saw her reach down into the buggy and throw a tube of foundation make-up to the floor. I was the only one who saw it. I handed it to the SD and told her what had happened and the shoplifter gave me a right look.

They finally got her into the office, so I started earwigging outside. "Look, if you promise not to come into the store again nicking, we'll let you go." I heard the SD say. "I haven't nicked anything." was the reply.
"But your on two cameras, and we've got witness's who saw you do it."
"I didn't f***ing nick anything!!***"

Five minutes later the cops were there.

She went for a ride to the police station, baby as well.

Silly girl!

A Bit of a Scare

What a day!

They say you get bad luck on Friday the 13th. I think it should be changed to Wednesday the 13th.

It started when I got to work. The store where I work was built in the 70's and just recently, some asbestos was found in the false ceiling. Workmen have been removing it overnight for the last two weeks, so you can imagine the scare I got when I got into the lab this morning and saw white powdery stuff on my workbench. Talk about panic. I informed the morning supervisor who immediately phoned the asbestos people. We weren't allowed near the lab until they came to inspect it. They were pretty quick in arriving and looked at the stuff then declared that it was only foam insulation that had got dislodged when the workmen had gone in the roofspace. Panic over.

Next, I couldn't get to my paper and chemistry stock because some idiot had blocked it with pallets of Christmas stock. I must admit, I really was an Angry Old Man then. Then, once again, I was late getting away because our Team leader had to do the weekly briefing meeting and it overran.

Tonight, on my Provvi round I seemed to get stuck behind every learner driver in town. I know I used to be one once and I should give them every consideration on the road, but they piss me off sometimes. Why do they always seem to be stuck in front of me, driving at 10mph?

All in all, not a good day.

Foggy Day

What a miserable day!

I went to work in the fog this morning, thinking it would brighten up during the day, but as I write this post, I can see it's still foggy.

Where I live is only a few miles away from Saddleworth moor and at this time of year it's a gloomy place at the best of times. We are above the snow line so the weather we get up here can be different to what happens down in town. It's definitely big coat weather.

As my next door neighbour says, "It's coming."

Yesterday my lad went on a school trip to a local museum. Apart from having a look around the place, they had to have a lesson, in a mock up of a Victorian classroom complete with Victorian teacher. He was a bit apprehensive about going, because he'd heard that teachers used to cane pupils in those days if they were naughty. I think he was convinced this teacher was genuinely from the past and they were all going to get caned. So when he got back in the afternoon I asked him if he enjoyed it.

"Brilliant," he said. "and guess what Dad, the teacher was only acting and she didn't cane me."

I thought back to when I was at school, and wished my teacher was only acting and hadn't caned me!

I like what I say and I say what I like.

The title of this post is a well known Yorkshire saying, that most Yorkshire folk would be familiar with, although anyone south of Sheffield (poncy Southerners) might not of heard of it.

So with that in mind I thought I'd translate some common Yorkshire sayings into English for the benefit of anyone who doesn't think keeping ferrets down your trouser leg is normal.

Here is an extract from my local paper and the writer is a man called Mike Shaw.

Jooa Sykes an' me wer aat fer a stroll raand t'village as t'wind started fair whistlin' in t'dooroiles.
(Joe Sykes and myself went for a walk around the village when the wind picked up.)
"Ah tell thee wat,Jooa, it's turned back endish naah awlreight,"Ah sed whale we wer walkin' past t'church.
("It's turned a bit nippy, Joe," I said as we went past the church.)

That's only two paragraphs of the article, but it gives you a flavour of how some folk talk around here, tha knows.

We have a rather eccentric guy called Jake Mangelwurzel who lives not too far away from me who has proclaimed himself the king of Yorkshire. He actually issues Yorkshire passports and knighthoods to genuine Yorkshire people. He changed his name by deed poll to Theo Cupier, because he kept getting letters addressed that way. Now this guy is as Yorkshire as they come. I will have to devote an entire post to Jake sometime, because he's such an interesting fellow.

Enough of these ramblings, I'll come back to it another time, besides which I think my ferret has bit something it shouldn't have!

Jenson Button at a wet Suzuka

A picture of Jenson Button in free practice, at a rain soaked Suzuka circuit in Japan on Friday. Although qualifying was delayed for 24hrs due to the threat of a typhoon, Jenson went on to claim third place in the race behind the Shumacher brothers.

Work Experience

From time to time we have schoolkids who come to us for work experience. This placement is part of their curriculum, and how well they do, goes towards their final GCSE marks. It's also supposed to give them a taster of what working life is like. There is a couple with us now.

I sometimes dread them coming into my lab, because we are normally so busy and shortstaffed that I can't show them the ropes as well as I would like. But today was different. A young 15yr old lad came to see me, so I showed him how to put film into the processor. Usually, they take quite a few goes to do it right, but not this lad. He got it spot on first time. There was a lot to pick up and he never missed a thing.

Compare that to a young lass who did work experience with us a few months ago. Talk about short planks being thick, this girl was the original tree. Apart from the fact she was scared her friends might see her and take the mickey, in the 3 hours she was there I don't think she learnt a thing. Completely useless.

It's like that, some off the kid's are like the first example,others like the second.

I bet the lad becomes a doctor or something similar, the girl......

Bound to be a politician!

The Craft Fair

What an utterly soul destroying, mind numbing, pointless exercise the annual school craft fair is. That's if you're a bloke.

Once a year the PTA organize a craft fair, to raise funds for the school my kids go to. And once a year I get roped into going. I don't know, there might be some blokes out there that like going to craft fairs and it's fair to say that I wouldn't mind going to the odd one now and then. Unfortunately, my wife loves them and expects me to feel the same way. Everywhere we've gone this year, there seems to have been a craft fair somewhere. You can be walking down a nice village street in mid-summer and my wife can spot the tiniest of signs declaring, " Craft Fair today- this way." We must have been to zillions of the things this year.

Another peculiar thing about craft fairs are the stalls. They always sell the same stuff, no matter where you are in the country. A bloke etching glass, decoupage, candle stall and aromatherapy to name but a few. I can imagine a little old lady spending all her waking hours making the stuff to go on these stalls.

Oh, I've just remembered why I don't object too much to going.

The cake stall!

Sod's Law

I had a similar experience to wittywoman who writes her blog called Eccentric Bohemian Hermit today. I had a busy night ahead of me on my Provvi round, so I needed to get away from work promptly. But as Sod's law dictates, " If you are in a hurry, fate will throw everything in your way to slow you down."

And it became true this evening.

First off, I was late getting away from work because a customer couldn't decide which camera to buy. It wouldn't be good customer service to say that I felt like stuffing the one she bought up her jacksie, but I did think it would have been a good idea at the time. Then, before I could get out of the door, the manager stopped me to comment on how good our sales were in photo. I know it's nice to get compliments but he'd been in all day so why didn't he see me earlier? On the way to the carpark, I always buy the evening local paper in the newsagents, which tonight had a lengthy queue.

But the crowning glory was when I got back to the car. My car waiting for me to carry me homeward. My car with a rear flat tyre.

If I wasn't so well hard, I could have sat down and cried.

No more Conkers. That's bonkers!

I was a bit amazed to read in the press today, that the school authorities are banning kids from playing conkers, unless adequate eye protection is worn. They are obviously scared of lawsuits winging their way just in case little johnny gets a bit of nut in his eye. They won't let the girls do any skipping next, in case they strangle themselves with the rope.

This smacks of the decision not to have a winner at sports day, because a kid less athletic would never win anything and grow up to be a mad axe murderer or similar. I really think it's bonkers.

You need competition when your'e young. How on earth are the sport stars of the future ever going to get that edge over the competition. If you come second in a race, you try harder, so that next time you win. All the top athletes hate losing. Can you imagine every football game ending in a draw! You wouldn't need bookies, because every horse in a race would come first! England would win the world cup, along with Brazil, Argentina, France...etc. You would have to make some more Ashes, because it wouldn't be fair for Australia to be the only team to have them.( I know someone that will strangle me for writing that.) Just think, Tim Henman would win Wimbledon.(on second thoughts, maybe not.)

No you need good healthy competition.

Mind you, I never could win at conkers.

Nostalgia

I came over all nostalgic this morning when I was driving to the supermarket and Bend Me,
Shape Me by Amen Corner came on the radio.

It took me back to the time in my teens when my mates and myself used to go to Atacks disco on a Saturday night. This place didn't allow over 18's in, used to close at 10pm sharp and no alcohol was permitted. All the girls used to dance in the middle, around their handbags, whilst the lads would walk around the edge in a circle, eyeing up the talent. If you spotted a girl you fancied, you wouldn't ask her to dance yourself, your friend would ask her for you.

"My friend fancies you."

"Where is he?"

"Over there by the gents"

"Alright then."

Your mate would come back and say yes, so you would wait until the next dance and go over to her. She would peel away from her friends and the handbags and start dancing.

"My names Fred, what's yours?"

"Mavis."

"Do you come here often, Mavis?" ( OK,OK I was only 15 after all.)

Anyway, you get the picture. You used to hope that she was still dancing with you when the slow dances came on because then you could get your arms around her and you might get a kiss. If you managed to walk her to the bus-stop, you were definitely an item.

Ah, happy days.

I wonder were Mavis is now?

Lottery mania

I always put a couple of Quid on the national lottery each week. Instead of the usual lucky dips I chose the numbers this week thinking it would bring me a bit more luck. It would be nice to win enough to pay off the mortgage and get a new car.

What with getting the kids ready for bed, and a couple of other chores I missed the draw so I checked my numbers on ceefax. I realized that I'd actually got 4 numbers correct. Yippee! I was jigging up and down as if I'd won the jackpot. My wife said that you only get about £50 for four numbers. I said it's £50 in my pocket that I didn't have before.

After I'd calmed down, I checked them again, just to make sure, and found out I'd been looking at the daily play game, not the lotto. I only got 2 numbers on the correct one. Gosh, I felt like a right twit!

Oh well. Dream over. No Jag. Back to work on Monday. Rats!

Collecting in the rain

Here it is, Friday night again, and it's chucking it down. Friday night is when I go out on my Provvi round and you can more or less guarantee that it will be raining, especially at this time of year.

I don't know what it is, but my customers always seem to take longer to open their doors when it's raining. You stand on the doorstep, knocking on the door, getting piss wet through, and when they finally open the door, they say, "Ooo, is it raining." As if they didn't know. Then they don't invite you in so you stand at the door, marking up an increasingly wet payment book. Swines!

A customer really pissed me off tonight. She's moved a few miles away from my patch and asked if I would still collect her payments, because she was used to me calling. I agreed and told her I would be there tonight. I duly drove out and called,to find she'd gone to her mothers. So that means another trip out there Monday. What a bugger!

Then there's the one I lent £400 to last week and her neighbor told me tonight that she's gone on holiday to the West Indies for a month. She wouldn't have got the loan, if I knew that last week.

It's a hard life!