How the other half live

I was out on my Provvi round tonight, ( see Provvi Man 2nd July 04) when I called at a house, looking for one of my customers. She wasn't in her own place, but I was re-directed next door, where I found her. I was invited into the house and saw my customer and the neighbour with two young kids, engaged in "working from home."

Apparently , what you have to do is put a rubber seal in a socket connector, put a sheaf over that, then screw a nut on to it to hold it all together. They are used in the electrical industry for connecting cables together.

The trouble is , there must have been 5000 of these in a box. I was told that they had been doing this batch all weekend. They'd completed two boxes and was on the last one. The husband of this household was on benefits, and the decor of the house wasn't all that cracky.

So I was a little bit upset when I was told that they only got £9 a box.

A whole weekends work for £27.

How can industry exploit people like this?

Wuthering Heights

"Heathcliffe, it's me, I'm Kathy, I've come home, I'm so cold, let me in through your window."

A little burst of the song made famous by Kate Bush, which I was humming this afternoon, as we were walking along Penistone Hill, near Haworth.

Home of the Bronte sisters, Haworth village itself is full off tourists nowadays. Plenty of Americans and Japanese for the locals to rip-off. When we used to go there before, we were one of the tourists, but wev'e started exploring the countryside around that area, avoiding the tourist trap.

Everything around this part of the world is called "Bronte" this or "Bronte" that for example, Bronte tea rooms, or Bronte aromatherapy centre, at least the post office is called Haworth post office but give them time.

Our ramble took us to, The Bronte waterfalls. About 3 miles out of Haworth, along a footpath, meandering alongside the moorland. Very picturesque, and well worth the effort. I could just imagine Charlotte Bronte treading the same path we did all those years ago.

We didn't see the ghost of Kathy though.

Only lot's of sheep.

On Ilkley Moor baht'at

We were on top of the moors today.

It was a bit of a strenuous walk up there, goodness knows how the kids managed it, but they seemed to lap it up, however we made it to the top of Ilkley moor and I wasn't wearing a hat. And what a grand view you get from up there!

We were sat down eating our egg and cress sarnies, on the edge of a cliff, when a rock climber appeared in front of us. The wife nearly choked on her banana.

"I wonder if he knows there's a path to get up here." I said to wife.

The little girl said "There's penguins over there."

"No, they're sheep, silly." replied the lad.

My lass does get her animals mixed up.

After an hour or so wandering about, we descended and looked around the shops in Ilkley. I'ts the only place I've been to where they block off the street in order to put tables and chairs out, so people can listen to the local brass band.

On the way home, we stopped off at Harry Ramsdens world famous fish and chip shop in Guiseley.

They were delicious!

A little xtra in Halifax

The old Victorian market hall in the town where I live was pulled down in the early 70's and a concrete and steel edifice was put up in its place.

I remember the wonderful smells and atmosphere and hustle and bustle of the place, when I was a teenager, not to mention the bargains to be had. The new place is not a patch on it. I hardly ever go in there.

So, you can imagine my surprise and delight when we went shopping in Halifax today and discovered their market hall. It was as if I'd entered a time warp and gone back 40yrs. I've been to Halifax many times in the past but never knew the market existed. It was just like the one that had been pulled down in my town. Same smells, atmosphere and some bargains!
My hat goes off to Calderdale council for keeping it going.

Ironically, there is talk of pulling down the 70's built hall in my town, to make way for a new development. Do they still know how to build Victorian market halls?

Nosy neighbour

Have you got a nosy neighbour? I have.

He lives opposite me on our street and all he does is stare out of his window across at our house.

I got a parcel delivered this morning, and he was there, watching. I went out to the car, to set of for town and he was there watching. He was there when I got back. I went out to water my famous tomatoes, and he wasn't there but his wife was,watching.

It's creepy, but I'll get my own back.

He went out to his car to go to the supermarket and when he came back, I was there, WATCHING!

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days where not much happens?

I have, today.

I could tell you about me going to the farm shop this morning to get some eggs and spuds. Or taking the wife to the dentists at midday. Or making some plum jam this afternoon, not forgetting walking on to the shop to buy the local paper. Or picking more tomatoes from the greenhouse.(your right Jonny I have got loads!).

I could tell you lots of boring little things like that, but that wouldn't be very interesting, would it?

No. I don't think I'll post today.

Trains,Jails and Vikings

Today we went to York.

We thought we'd go on the train instead of driving there. The kids were very excited, because it's not often they have a ride on a proper grown up train that actually goes somewhere, as opposed to going round in a circle.

First port of call in York was the National Railway Museum. With free admission, this is a must visit place, even if you haven't got the slightest bit of interest in trains.

After lunch,( a very reasonably priced meal in BHS restaurant), we wandered up Shambles then down Whip-ma Whop-ma gate and onto the Castle museum. Built on the site of a former jail, this was also an interesting place to visit although a bit pricey.

After an ice-cream, it was into the Jorvic Viking centre. A good experience but at £21 for the four of us, we felt we were shoved through a bit quickly. A bit like a conveyer belt.

A quick bite in rip-off Macdonalds then it was back to the railway station and home, tired, skint but happy.

My new bins

I've got myself some new bins.

Not the kind you put rubbish in and the binmen take two weeks to empty,(see the binmen cometh.)

No, these are the kind you put on the end of your nose and look through. I've needed to wear specs since I was 9yrs old and without them I'm blind as a mole.

But why did I have to pay £227 pounds for them? This bill was with half price lenses included, if they had been full price it would have cost me another £120. That's £347, for a pair of specs, which I need in order to see properly.

Who's making the money here? Is it the opticians? Is it the government? Is it the spectacle manufacturers?

Who-ever it is , it's scandalous!!

Blagging at Oakwell

Seeing as it's the start of another weeks holiday from work,(your probabley asking wether this guy ever works!) and it was a nice sunny day, we went picnicing at Oakwell Hall country park.

We often take the kids to Oakwell, because theres some nice walks in open country and woodland. Theres always something changed from the last time we visited.

This time,after our sandwiches and fizzy pop, we decided to do some blagging. For those of you who don't know what blagging is, let me explain.

There are a lot of wild blackberry bushes at Oakwell, and at this time of year, they're in full fruit, so blagging is the Yorkshire term for picking blackberries.

Some people couldn't be bothered harvesting this free food, but then they aren,t going to be eating the delicious blackberry and apple pie that my wife will be baking tomorrow.

I'll be back next month for the mushrooms!!

Olympimania

I've got a maniac in my house!

Ever since the Olympics started, my 7yr old lad has been glued to the box. It's not the well polished performances of the horses doing the dressage that he likes. Nor is it the grace of the gymnasts, or the swimmers, or the athletes. All that goes well above his head. No, what he's watching for is the medals table. He's obsessed with lists at the moment. He's got through a mountain of paper, just by writing lists out.

He's driving my wife nuts at the moment, it being the six week holiday,( only two weeks to go, yippee!) When I get home from work, he'll give me a complete rundown of which country's won which medal. When I ask him which sport they won the medal for, he hasn't got a clue.

Mind you, his list writing ability comes in handy when we go to the supermarket!

The Binmen cometh

Up until this morning, we hadn't seen a binman around here for two weeks.

We have wheely bins which you have to drag to the front of your drive every Wednesday morning before 7.30 am. ( Just in case the binmen turn up early. ) This I did last week, before 6 am and they never showed up.Sometimes they come the following day but they didn't. Oh well I thought, the bins not that full, I'll wait till next week.

I dutifully put the bin out again, Wednesday morning, pre 7.30 and guess what? That's right , they never showed up.

This morning, 11 o'clock came round, still no binmen, so I said, "Right, I'm phoning the sods up."

I was asking the waste disposal officer on the line, what he was going to do about the missing binmen and when, if ever, we would get our bins emptied, when who should turn up, yes the binmen!

"The binmen have just arrived, " I said to him, "that was quick, I only just phoned you!"

Don't you just hate that. Flipping council.

Good Un's and Bad Un's

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I work in a busy photo-lab. At this time of year, we are at our most busiest and occasionally, we get more film in than the printer processing machine can cope with. Ultimately this can lead to delays in completing customers orders. The delays are never more than 20 minutes and we do discount on the price.

Today was a bad one followed by a good one.

The first customers film was going to be late by 15 mins. When she was informed in apologetic terms, that due to unexpected large volumes coming in at the same time her film was going to be late, she went off on one! It was as if somebody had stabbed her in the back. She was ranting and raving and stamping her feet like a child. Everyone was looking at her. The staff were embarrassed by her behavior. By the time she had calmed down her film was ready!

The second customer was informed likewise as the first and all she said was, "That's alright love, I can see your very busy so I'll pop back in half an hour."

We take a lot of stick working in the retail trade, a small amount of it justified, a large amount not. If you are a customer like the first, just remember that we are people too, not someone you can wipe your feet on, and we are most definitely not servants.

Ask yourself this question..Are you a customer like the first or like the second?

My big gob

Me and my big gob.

There I was, bemoaning the fact that my garage had flooded for the second time in a week on my post last night, but that was nothing compared to what those poor people down in Cornwall went through. I didn't hear the news till this morning, and I was quite literally, gobsmacked!
Thank goodness there were no fatalities.

We had a mini-flood of our own, in the photo-lab today. The air conditioning plant room is directly above us on the next floor. The A.C unit is not the newest model around and keeps breaking down. When it does, it dumps water on the plant room floor, which in turn, finds its way through the ceiling into the lab.

Somebody said to get an umbrella up, but at the price they sell them in my place, I wont bother!

Another big one

It's happened again!

About 7 o'clock tonight, we had a whopping great thunderstorm with accompanying light show, and the flipping garage got flooded again! It had more or less dried out from Thursdays debacle, but now wev'e got to start all over again.

I was actually out in the car when the heavens opened and saw water coming out of the drains, just like a row of fountains. Incredible!

I can't ever remember getting as much rain and severe storms the way we are now, and I'm knocking on. ( You know your getting old when you start making a noise getting in and out of an armchair.)

All this weather, I blame it on the Russkies!

Fireworks in the park

It's been the big shindig aptly named "The Lark in the Park" weekend at Greenhead, which is just down the road from us. Apart from the usual "burn a hole in your pocket" fairground rides and seedy, smelly,£1.50 for a small cone of chips, so called "burger stalls" there was a wealth of entertainment, at least I think there was, cos we only went for the firework finale.

When we got there, a rather dubious Latin American band were playing on the stage. They were quite good at first, but you can only take so much footie whistles and bongos before you start to crack.

As it got darker the singer was trying to get the crowd doing the samba, but they were having none of it. She was just about to launch into another song, when : KABOOM!: off went the first sky rocket. The band tried to carry on, but the organizors must have pulled the plug, because the stage went in darkness. I still heard a few gallant beats on the bongo, but it was soon silenced, so we turned our attention to the display.

" I dont like the bangs." said my little daughter.

" What did you say, darling?" I replied. " I can't hear you because I've gone deaf with all that bongo drumming!"

Knackered

Thank goodness it's Saturday evening and the end of a particularly gruelling week. I'm knackered.

I've been doing the early starts at work this week and getting up at 6am, and I'm not used to it.

There was a time in my distant past, when I could go out boozing and dancing, get home in time to change into my work clothes and do a full days grafting, ready to go out again at night.

Not anymore!

It's all on trying to finish my Horlicks before I fall asleep.

Gosh, I must be an old git!

The Garage

What a thunderstorm! Flash , Bang and Whoosh!

The lawn was under 3 inches of water, as was the patio. I opened the side door and there was a river flowing past it, right down my drive. If I had a bike I'd be out singing " Raindrops keep falling on my head."

Sam, the next door neighbour came home and told us that a house up the road had been hit by lightning. Part of the chimney had fallen down on their car. Poor buggers!

This is when we noticed that the garage was flooded. Up to our ankles in water. So that's where I've been most of the night. Bailing out.

Good job somebody taped DIY SOS for me!

The Invisible Irish navvies

I got a phone call at work today. It was my wife.

"Can you get £100 from the bank?" she said.

"What for?" I asked.

"Wev'e had some Irish workmen at the door, offering to take the rubble away, and they only want £100 to do it."

I must explain. In a fit of madness, call it what you will, we decided one day to rip up the tarmac and concrete from our garden path, a legacy from the previous owners, only when we'd finished and turned round to look at the mess there must be at least 3 tons of rubble piled up on our drive.

It's been there 3 months now and I think the wife's getting fed up of me telling her that I'll get a skip, so she seems to have taken matters into her own hands.

Anyway, the navvies were due to come at 6 this evening, but they never turned up, so if youv'e got a wagon or a van, I may have a little job that needs doing. There's £100 in it for you!

And so back to work....Again!

We were going to go somewhere nice today, it being the last day of my holiday, but the weather put paid to that idea. Torrential downpours!

I bet the slugs are having a field day on my runner beans, but I'm not going out in this to find out.

So, it's back to the daily grind. I work as a consultant in a busy photo-lab, belonging to a well known high st chemists. I've been there 18 years, and now it's a bit of a grind. I see upwards of 3/4000 photos a day, and quite frankly, to me, all baby photos look the same.

If you ever invite me round to your place, don't get your holiday snaps out. Right!

Roasted at Emley

The Emley show was our venue today.

Emley has two claims for fame. Firstly, a whopping great television mast that dominates the skyline, and secondly, the big country show that's been held here for donkeys years.

It was hot. It was sweaty. It was packed.

It was so hot that my little girls ice cream melted before she could lick it all. Messy.

It was so sweaty, it looked liked I'd put a wet T-shirt on. Disgusting.

It was so packed, there was a queue for the gents. Smelly.

But above all, we had a great day out, even if I did get some looks.

No not Bonanza

It was one of those previosly mentioned cleaning days today, so the wife asked me, no told me, to take the kids off somewhere and not come back for a long time.

Dilemna.

Where to go?

"Where do you want to go to then kids?"

Lad, "Aw, can't we stay at home."

Lass, " Ponderosa, Daddy."

So thats where we went, without the wife, just me and the kids. No nagging.

Bliss!

The battle of Agincourt

After the excitement of the tomato yesterday, I thought I'd follow that up with a trip to the Royal Armouries Museum in Leeds just to calm things down a bit.

We managed to get there, after driving around in circles for ages.

"We passed that church twenty minutes ago." said the wife

"No we didn't." said I.

"Yes we did, dad." chorused the tweenies in the back.

All I can say about the museum is, don't go. Not if you want to spend hours looking at glass cases full of armour,swords, muskets etc.

We were sat down watching a film about the battle of Agincourt,( you know the one, where Henry the eighth's army massacred the french, even though they were outnumbered 5 to 1 and hadn't had their Weetabix that morning.) when the little lad said," It's boring this dad, can we go home?"

"Aye, you're right lad, lets go."

"You never know," said the wife, " there might be another tomato ready."

Heady stuff, heady stuff!

Oh by the way, thank you to the dog-owner who let it crap on my drive this morning. I hope your animal was much relieved. Perhaps you didn't have a poop scoop on you at the time, never mind I cleaned it up for you. After all, we wouldn't want anyone to slip on it would we?

Our first tomato

Today was the day our first homegrown tomato was ripe enough to be eaten.

I proudly brought it into the house and set it down on the kitchen worktop.

"Look at that." I said to the wife.
"It's not very big." she replied.
"I know, but it is ripe."
"There's four of us, we wont get much each."
"There's lots more that will be ready soon."

I sliced the tomato into quarters and gave the kids a peice each, then the wife and myself had our peices.

"Was it alright." I asked.
"Mmm, a bit like lovemaking, all that expectation and over in seconds." she said.

Cheeky cow!

Underground again

Our quest to go on days out continued with a trip to Ingleton, where we visited the White Scar Caves.
Set in the foothills of one of the three peaks, Ingleborough, the cave is the longest that the public can access. The tour is about a mile long and reaches a depth of 328ft at the climax, the Battlefield Cavern. They provide you with hard hats because the going is a little low in places.My little girl had one that was a bit too big for her and had to hold onto it all the tour. Mind you, she didn't have to bend down at the low points like the adults because she's only a small person. Of course you always get a dickhead on things like this, the guy who'd done the caves the hard way by potholing, umpteen years ago, and wanted to let everyone know. Judging by the size of him now, he wouldn't be able to crawl through some of the holes we saw. Tosser!
Afterwards we had a wander round Ingleton and finished up in a, for once, reasonably priced tearoom.
The A65 on the way back was a bit dicey. Bloody Juggernauts tailgating you when it,s thunder and lightning-ing all around. Sodding lorry drivers.

Shire horses in Bradford

Day 9 of the hols saw us in the fine city of Bradford. ( alright I know, less of the fine!) We went to see the shire horses at work in the Industrial museum. There wasn't many patrons about, we were just about the only ones there, apart from two couples with kids who seemed to know each other. By heck, there was a lot of one-upmanship going on between them. They were more entertaining than the horses. Why do people have the ability to make complete ass-holes of themselves and not realise they are doing it? If I ever did, and I probably have many times, I wish somebody would tell me, so I could go and hide somewhere. Anyway, once they had beggared off, we more or less had the place to ourselves but we got the distinct feeling that the staff wanted to lock up especially as the security man kept following us around. Perhaps he thought I was going to tie a shire horse to my car and drive away. I'm sure he overtook me on the way home!