The Party Animals

If your'e reading this blog from outside the UK, you perhaps don't know that Britain goes to the polls next week to elect a new government. Now before you click away, I'm not going to go on about politics. This blog is a politics free zone. There are plenty of other sites that go on about that stuff without me adding my two'pennerth. No, this post is about the little game I've started playing these last couple of weeks.

Let me clarify.

I'm out on my Provvi round 3 nights a week so I come across lots of canvassers knocking on peoples doors, trying to get the residents to vote for their party. Sometimes when I'm walking up the garden path to see one of my customers, one of these people will see me and ask if I live in that particular house. I off course, reply in the affirmative, whereupon the poor soul launches into his/her spiel. After a while I tell them that I definately will vote for them and they go away happy, ticking their little boxes on their clipboards. My customers happy as well because he can get out of his hiding place. So far, 7 canvassers from 4 parties think I'm voting for them. I'm going to see if I can get into double figures by the time the election comes around next Thursday.

Bugger aren't I?

Things that creep about in the night

1.15am.

It was warm and stuffy in my bedroom as I was trying to get to sleep, so I pushed the covers off me, to cool down a bit. I was just dropping off, when I felt this crawling sensation on my leg.
A fly, I thought, so I brushed it off. 10 seconds later it was back, so I brushed it off again. Hang on, I thought, it can't be a fly, it's only April. As the crawling sensation had returned, I sat bolt upright and switched on the light and saw a.....

Spider.

"What's up?" said the wife.

"Spider crawling over me." I replied.

Well, I've never seen my wife get out of bed so fast." Eeek, get rid of it." she screamed.

I've not got a problem with spiders, but the wife has, so I picked the little thing up and placed it on the windowsill outside and shut the window.

"It was only a titchy one," I said. "Probably was cold and wanted to get into bed with me."

Either that or it had heard of this blog and wanted to know how to get on the World Wide Web.

I know, pitiful aren't I?

Down the Garden Centre

We were going to have a look around a little town near where we live called Brighouse today, but the wife had better ideas.

When she said, "B&Q are giving 20% off all plants," I knew my wallet was doomed. My wife is dead keen on gardening and I have noticed for the last few weeks that she has been itching to get her bedding plants. So off we went, kids and all.

We soon understood why B&Q were offering a discount on the plants. The specimens we saw were poor and under-watered. They looked on their last legs. We picked up some pansies and bizzie lizzies that looked half decent but hit paydirt when we wandered into the covered area. All the decent stuff was there, waiting in the wings, as it were. The trolley was soon filled. My wife picked up a hydrangia that she fancied, but put it back when she saw the price tag. As it's her birthday on 8th May, I said she could have it as one of her presents. (See, I'm not as tight as people might think!) She thought it would look nice in a pot next to the arbour seat, and it does.
The bedding plants were put in the greenhouse till all frosts are out of the way, then the wife wanted to pot up her birthday present but we needed some compost, so it was down to the garden centre to get some. ( I don't half suffer.) Of course, as well as the compost we ended up buying some more plants including a rose.

When I got home, I hid my wallet.

Just in case.

 

Fire, Fire.

The fire klaxon sounds.

"That's the fire alarm," I say. (Well I have got 3 'O' Levels.)

We all make to the exits, collecting customers on the way. Wev'e nearly got everybody out when the tannoy crackles to life.

"This is a customer and staff announcement, the fire alarm sounding now is just a test and should be ignored."

We all try and grab a customer, and persuade them to come back in.

Apparently, there was a man working on the sprinkler system in the store and he needed to test the fire alarm but before the announcement could be made, he pressed the button.

After all the excitement had died down and we were getting on with what we were doing beforehand, the fire klaxon sounded again.

"That's the man testing the fire alarm," I say, stating the obvious. So we stay put and ignore it, hands over ears. (It's very loud is the klaxon.)

All of a sudden, a supervisor comes past and informs us that it's not a test, but the real thing. We get the customers out for a second time. One of the girls guarding the doors, stops a guy trying to enter and explains there is a fire. "But I only wanted to cut through to go to BHS." he said. Nutter!

It was a bit cold outside, but after a while, the all clear is given and we shuffle back into the store. "I'm off to get my coat," I say. " If wer'e going to be in and out all morning I might as well be warm."

Routine

7.15am-Bedside alarm goes off. I groan, get out off bed and shuffle to the bathroom peeping out off the window as I pass it. Raining again.
Have wash and shave nicking my chin with razor. I'll have to get those new razor blades I've been meaning to get for the last two weeks, I think. After all, I do work in a chemists, it should'nt be too difficult to remember.

7.20am- Get dressed. (Now where did the wife put that clean shirt?) Straighten last few remaining hairs on head with comb. Go downstairs.

7.25am-Make breakfast, (toast) whilst getting lunchtime sandwiches ready. Ham today. Oh, no ham left. Cheese today. Make coffee for me, tea for wife. Sit and watch CBeebies for 5 minutes,(Kids are up already) whilst drinking coffee.

7.50am- Get coat on, kiss wife, kiss kids, go out of door. Get in car and start engine. Switch off engine. Go back in house to pick up sandwiches I'd forgotten. Get back in car and drive to work.

Is'nt routine wonderful! Just my cup of tea.

30 years and still going strong

One of my colleagues at work, reached a milestone today. She has actually been working at the same store for 30 years.

She started work there when she was 16 yrs old straight from school and her mother used to pop in a few times a week to make sure she was alright. Bit embarrassing for a 16 year old. She kept on at her job and is now a well respected, senior member of the management team.

A surprise party was held in the canteen for her, and a few ex-members of staff were invited along to join in the celebration. She seemed delighted to meet some old friends from the past.

I've been there 18 years now, so only another 12 to go, which should just bring me up to retirement.

All the best AR!

Football in the Park

We never seem to get away from Oakwell Hall these days. Another fine day and as Oakwell was having a workshop on how to create a wildlife garden and none of our other regular haunts had anything going on, we decided to go there for a couple of hours.

Here's a picture of the front of Oakwell Hall. The wildlife garden is around the back. When we got there, the workshop turned out to be a few signs dotted around, informing you on how to create a habitat for the birds and insects. Never mind, we went for a nice walk anyway. Although we only went to Oakwell a couple of weeks ago, it was amazing how much things have grown in that time.

The walk went in a big circle around the grounds and ended up back in front of the hall. There was an ice-cream van selling his wares so we each got a "99" and sat in the formal gardens to lick them. The kids had brought there football along so I went back to the car to fetch it.

There's a nice bit of lawn in front of the hall , just right for kicking a ball about. My two soon got stuck in. The lad won 10-4 and the little girl accused him of cheating and cried all the way back to the car. The funny thing is, she's a lot better football player than the lad. Very competetive my two.

It started to rain on the way home so we timed it just right.

The Great Escape

"She's got to be down here somewhere. Brambles, Brambles, where the hell are you?"

I'd just walked through the door, into the midst of a major panic. "Oh your'e back are you? The bloody hamster's disappeared and we can't find her anywhere," said the wife.

I joined in the hunt. "Have you looked behind the settee?" I asked, as I noticed the little girl crawling out from behind it. She looked just like she did on Saturday night after watching Dr Who. We'd told the kids that when we were little, we used to hide behind the sofa when Dr Who was on because it was scary. They thought that was a good idea, so any opportunity to get behind it and they are there.

"She's not behind there Dad." she said. "Do you think I ought to look behind the armchair?

"No petal, it's bedtime for you two," I replied. "Let your mum take you upstairs for your bath, and I'll carry on looking for Bramble."

"Ohhhh, not bed, we want to find Bramble." they chorused in unison.

"Come on, bed." said the wife, a bit sternly.

Off they tramp, whilst I look behind the armchair. Next minute I hear a shriek. "Dad, dad, wev'e found Bramble under my bed." the lad shouts down. The little thing had managed to climb the stairs without anyone noticing.

Obviously the lure of old crayons and broken pencils under the lads bed, proved too much of a temptation for her.

"There you are girl, solitary confinement for 24 hours." I said to her, as I locked her back into the slammer.

At least she's got some nice dried Hammy-mix to eat and a treadmill for exercise.

It's the way they tell 'em

I was chatting to one of the girls who works on the perfume counter today, and she was telling me about an oldish bloke who has been coming in everyday and spraying himself with a perfume called "Valentino"

"Excuse me sir," she said. "You do realise that's a womans perfume your'e spraying yourself with."

"But it's called Valentino," he replied. "and he was a bloke."

"I know sir, but it's still a ladies fragrance."

"Bugger," he exclaimed. " no wonder I have'nt been able to pick any women up."

True!

I took the kids to the local library this evening, so they could change their library books. The lad chose 3 books on how to care for an hamster. when he was checking the books out, the librarian asked him if he had a hamster and did he clean the cage out.

"Oh yes, I do look after it," he told her. "but my mum cleans the poo and the pee out."

Too much detail lad, too much detail.

Birds Nest

" I think wev'e got some Great Tits nesting in the bird box at the back of the garage," my wife said the other day.
" Oh, aye," said I.
" Aye," said her. "I keep seeing a pair flying towards that direction."

When I investigated, I could'nt see any sign of occupancy, but I did'nt get too near just in case. As I was looking, a Great Tit landed on the trellis and started chattering at me. Ah,ah, I thought, there could be something in this. I went back into the house to give the birds time to settle down and also to get my camera ready.

I was watching from the kitchen window with the camera at my side when one of them landed in the tree at the back. So I rushed out and took this. He or she was keeping a beady(or beaky) eye on me, whilst I was taking the picture. I do hope that they really are nesting, because the box has been up there quite a while now.

Who knows, there might be some babies in the family again!

Sunshine and Snow

You'd have expected that by mid April the weather would have made up it's mind what to do but this evening I was walking out of a house into bright sunshine whilst it was snowing.

Strange.

One of my colleagues at work has recently bought a West Highland Terrier puppy. As I was out that way tonight, calling on a Provvi customer, I thought I'd have a quick look at her. You know, like you do. And what a gorgeous little creature she is. She was licking my hand with her little tongue. Brill! I wish I could have one but the price-tag puts me off. Although my colleague won't say what she paid, they are being advertised in excess of £350.

I'll stick to the goldfish & hamster.

The Pond

This is a picture of the pond that Goldie disappeared from.I made this last year and the inside of it is a childrens plastic sand pit with a butyl liner over it inside a timber frame. Add some plants and pebbles and voila, a cheap pond.

There are reports in the local newspaper that nesting Herons are taking fish from out of garden ponds. Now Goldie always was a dare-devil fish, swimming too close to the surface. Not like Carrot, any sign of danger and he's down the bottom in the blink of an eye. Wick he is.

( yes, I know they're geese,but I did'nt have a gif of an heron.)

Bye, Bye, Goldie

It is with a tear in my eye that I have to report the demise of Goldie(Jnr), one of the goldfish in the outside pond.

We have'nt seen him for a few days now, so I got Carrot (the other fish) out and drained the pond. No sign of him. We can only presume a cat got him, although we did see an Heron land next to the pond last year.

He was'nt even a year old.

Carrots staying indoors with his mates, Goldie(Snr) and Ben for the time being.

Just in case.

And yes, I am barking!

The First Picnic

The weather forecast was favourable until late afternoon so we decided to have our first picnic of the year. We elected to go to Oakwell Hall, were we've been many times before. It also gave me an opportunity to take my new camera along. After the picnic we went for a stroll around the country park. We spotted these flowers in the woodland near the stream..


This is the stream...



After we'd cleared the wood you come into the more formal part of the park. Here's a pic of a bench with a willow weave canopy over it...



The volunteers and wardens have created a formal garden at the back of the hall which is supposed to be how it looked in the 1700's...



And this is the back of the hall.....



We rounded the walk of with a nice pot of tea in the tearooms, but the kids had ice-cream. It's been a warm spring week-end here but the forecast is'nt too good for the coming week. Have a nice week!