All Gone

The Snowman started to lean to one side on Friday.

"He looks like he's had one too many." said the wife.

"I did'nt know snowmen drank alchohol," I replied. "Anyway, he's not leaning all that much."

By Saturday, he had a definate lean on. He looked quite quaint, standing there leaning in the middle of the lawn. All the snow had melted around him. He really looked out of place, as if he had dropped out of the sky onto our lawn. Which, technically he had.

This morning saw his demise. The lad went out and knocked him over, then trampled on him. He's just a patch of snow on the lawn now.

My lads got a mean streak in him sometime.

Got home from work and this fellow was watching me from the garden. 

Snowing

I've just poked my head out of the side door and found out that i'ts snowing, heavily.

I'ts already laying 3" thick and still coming down. We don't normally get much snow around here nowadays, so this lot is out of the ordinary. If it comes down much more, with a bit of luck we might get snowed in.

I wonder what it will be in the morning, going to work or....

..sledging.

Coursework

I probably won't post tonight because I'm busy with my V2Learn course. I'm stuck on percentage calculations in spreadsheets. Exciting stuff eh!

Toys and Trellis

On Thursday we took a day off from the work in the garden and went over to Dewsbury. After a fish & chip lunch in the Dolphin restaurant, we went on to Dewsbury Museum at Crows Nest Park.

We had a wander around the park, looking for the walled garden, because there was supposed to be a willow weaving demonstration going on, but when we found it, the demo had been cancelled.( A pity, because it does'nt get much more exciting than willow weaving.) My wife was disappointed, but cheered up after seeing the park shrubs and trees in all their winter colours. Into the museum next, which the kids enjoyed, because there were lots of toys to see, some of which they could play with. In the gift shop, they were selling toys from bygone days. Jacobs ladders, whip and top, pick up sticks to name but a few. We bought a knitting dolly and the kids have'nt put it down since. The old ones are still the best!

Yesterday and today has been a mad rush trying to complete the garden work before the forecast snow from Siberia arrives. I finished off the trellising and found some muscles i have'nt used in a while. It looks very good. The wife has 3 clematis plants in the greenhouse ready to go in as soon as the soil warms up a bit. She also bought a Hibiscus plant in Dewsbury.

With 27ft of trellis, its going to be like a jungle out there come summer.

It's been a hard days work

I'm supposed to be on holiday but I've worked harder, at home, today than I ever do in the photo-lab.

After sinking 5 fenceposts, erecting 27ft( about 8 metres) of chainlink and making a start on the trellis, wev'e decided to take the kids to Dewsbury toy museum tomorrow and get back to the garden work Friday.

It was a bit slapstick with the chain-link today. The stuff seemed to have a mind of it's own. Stapling the end to the first post then unravelling the roll a bit and trying to staple it to the next post was comical. It was snagging on anything around it. We got the hang of it in the end. The lad was digging holes for the posts with his seaside spade for me, assissted by his sister who ran a mile when he dangled a worm in front of her face. I would have laughed but the chain-link had me trapped against a tree at the time.

Writing this post, I can feel my muscles stiffening up from all the exertion.

I'll be like the toy soldiers in the museum tomorrow....

..wooden.

Progress of sorts

Like any home DIY project, half your time is taken up doing the job and the other half is spent running back to the store to pick up the forgotten bits that you need to complete it.

That's happened to me these last couple of days. I made a list at the start but found I needed extras. Plus the job has expanded to include renewal of the chain-link fence at the bottom of the garden. When we cleared all the overgrown vegetation away, we found there were more holes in it than my socks! That must be were the moggies were getting in.

Anyway, the fence panels are up down the side of the garden, and very new they look too. We're miffing off all the local bird population at the moment. We've got wild bird feeders in the garden, but with us spending most of the day in there they can't get in to them. They sit up in the trees, looking down their beaks at us, chirupping away and telling us off for being there. When we go inside for a hot drink, they're soon down.

The wife was shutting the garage door tonight and I did'nt get out of the way quick enough, so got a bang on the head.

Ouch!

Rain stopped play

Well, we made a start on the fencing today. The wife started staining the trellis in the garage. She would have done it outside but there was a cold North Easterly blowing. All the fencing got delivered the other day and was put in the garage for safe keeping. Things like that tend to disappear overnight around here if they're not under lock and key. Everything goes in there. We've been living in this house for around 3 years now and I've yet to get my car in the garage. Once!

Whilst she was cracking on with the staining, I started cleaning the site where the fencing is going. The lad gave me a hand. First job was digging out a Lavatera Rosa. The trunk on this had grown somewhat in the last few years and it was beginning to be a bit invasive. When I cut through it with my saw, the centre was rotten, so it's just as well it was coming out. The roots had gone deep, so it was a bit of a sod to dig out. My lad had his plastic spade that he uses on the beach but he did a fine job of digging. Bless!

After that was out, I was going to dig a small trench and cement a layer of bricks down so that the fence panels had a clean surface to sit on, but just as I was about to start the heavens opened up and dumped a load of rain. It started blowing really hard, so we had to suspend operations for the day.

The forecast for tomorrow looks good, so hopefully we'll get an early start and crack on a bit.

We were all a bit frozen by the time we had cleared up and got back into the house. We soon warmed up with a hot drink whilst we watched the rain running down the windows. The lad noticed that his plastic spade was still laying on the ground, were he'd left it. He wanted me to retrieve it before anyone pinched it. So like all Dads, around the world, I went back out.

Daft are'nt I?

And yes, I do know what day it is tomorrow.....

Being a bloke is great because......

• Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
• Your orgasms are real. Always.
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a monkeys if someone does'nt notice your new haircut.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• Wrinkles add character.
• A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
• You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
• The occasional well rendered belch is practically expected.
• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with, "So, notice anything different."
• You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
• One mood, ALL the damn time.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• You get extra credit for even the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader is coming.
• You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mates for hours without ever thinking, " He must be mad at me."
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a small gift.
• If another guy shows up at the party wearing the same outfit, you might just become lifelong friends.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years , maybe decades.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
• You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on Dec 24th, in 45 minutes.
• The world is your urinal.

Alright girls?

Tattooed People

Have you noticed the fashion these days for people to get a tattoo on various parts of their body?

I personally would'nt get one myself, purely because I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to pain, but I have no objections to anyone else having them, especially if they are done well.

We processed a film today and on the prints was a young lad who'd had one done on his arm. The tattoo was four or five Chinese symbols, which seems to be a popular one. I have no idea what the symbols translated into, me not being Chinese, but they were probably something like, " Heart of Gold," or " True Spirit," or suchlike. They would have translated into something meaningful to the person wearing them.

Or would they?

Unless the person getting the tattoo can read Chinese, he/she has only the word of the tattooist.

"Cor, that looks great," he says to the tattooist. "What's it mean?"

"Man of steel," replies the tattooist, "That'll be thirty quid, please."

And the guy walks out of the shop brandishing a permanent message on his body that might say.....

"I'm a gullible twit."

Heres a site you can visit to get your name translated into Chinese.

Staff Council Meeting

It's the staff council meeting on Friday and I've been delegated to attend.

This is the place to air any little grievances you or your colleagues have to the store manager. They've asked me to bring a few up like fair treatment to all staff when booking holidays. We're only allowed one off at a time and some staff members seem to be getting what they want and others not. There is a policy on booking holidays but it does'nt seem to be adhered to.

We were sat in the lab today trying to think of points we could raise when my colleague said they should have a sign up saying that the staff would be happy to serve customers after they have finished their mobile phone conversation. We think it's very rude of some customers to have a conversation on a phone whilst we are trying to serve them.

I said we ought to have a sign saying we would serve them when they have finished eating their Greggs cornish pasty.

It's awful watching someone your trying to serve, stuffing their faces.

Rude, ignorant buggers!

No Rest For The Wicked

She's started again!

My wife is a keen gardener and spent a lot of time and money on our garden last year. Just when I thought she was satisfied with the way it looks, she's decided to change it again. Now she is quite happy to do the designing and planting, but when it comes to the heavy stuff I'm drafted in.

The week after next, I'm on holiday from work and she's booked me up solid. Ive got to erect 27ft of 6ft high trellis plus replace 24ft of fence panels that got blown down in the gales recently. That means sinking 7 x 3" square fence posts and concreting them in. Struggling to attach trellis to them. Cutting and grazing my hand and fingers in a few places. Dropping my lump hammer on my foot a few times. Cursing and swearing a lot of the time, only to find out that I measured up wrong and the damn things won't fit. Then get shouted at because I forgot to take my muddy boots off at the door. It'll probably be cold and chucking it down as well.

We're going down to the merchants to order the stuff tomorrow.

Looking forward to that I am.

A peesa Pizza

It was that time of year in the primary school academic term when all the parents get invited to meet their childs teacher. It was the young girls teacher we had to see.

After the usual "hellos" and "nice to meet yous" he went on to tell us that my girl is doing fine at school. Not in the top flight but making steady progress. I was quite proud of her. On parting he said we could go and look at her work in the classroom if we wished.

We were looking at all her spellings and sums and then we came to her account of a friends birthday party she had been to a few weeks ago, cinema first then Pizza Hut after.

She'd written...

"I went to Katies party at the pictures and watched Sharks tail, then we all went for a piss at the pissa hut."

Bless her!

All in a days work

Up at 6am. Out of house by 6.50. Start car. Reverse out of drive. Drive down to work. Go past park. Nearly at car-park. Look at the Nissan on fire.

What! Nissan on fire ! That's not in my usual routine. But there it was, smoke billowing out of the rear end, a few flames. Stops car to get mobile phone out of pocket. Suddenly realises that if Nissan blows up, I go with it. Drives to car-park 200yds further on.

Dials 999. Gets fire brigade on line. Tell them about car and the location. Fire station is only round the corner so it's not long before they turn up. Direct them to Nissan. 30 seconds later, fire is out. Job well done.

Buy parking ticket and lock car. Walk down to store.

All in a days work.

It's doing the rounds

There's a nasty viral infection doing the rounds. Six kid's in my lads class were off school with it last Friday.

Of course my lad had to go and join them.

He started with cold like symptoms on Friday evening. He was worse Saturday morning and stayed in bed most of the day. He didn't eat anything and hardly drunk at all. He started being sick, early hours of Sunday morning and was sick a few times during the day complaining of abdominal pains. In the evening, we noticed blood in it, so we phoned for medical assistance. They recommended we take him to A&E at the local hospital. After waiting ages with all the drunks, the doctor finally saw us.

The doc put our minds at rest and said the blood was probably from muscles being strained whilst retching but he was de-hydrated and would need to be admitted.

They found a bed for him in the childrens ward and told him that if he didn't start drinking fluids they would stick a needle in a vein and start pumping it in.

That got him drinking.

The wife stayed with him overnight on a bed next to his whilst I went home.

I took the little girl to school Monday morning, and then went back to the hospital. He was sat up in bed, feeling sorry for himself but looking ten times better. I think he was quite enjoying being pampered by all the nurses. He came home later that day but was a bit quiet for the rest of the day. We kept him off school today, but the little sods right as rain now and getting up to his usual mischief, so it's back to school tomorrow.

On Sunday night he looked like death warmed up but now you wouldn't think that there had been anything wrong with him.

I love him to bits and hated seeing him like that, but boy, was it peacefull!