Last Man Standing

Well, it's Christmas Day, around about 9pm my time, and I'm the last man standing!

Check my log:

6.30- Wife gets up to toilet, followed closely by me.(No sign of kids awakening.)

6.45- Wife brings coffee up to bedroom,(Comments " They're not up yet then?")

7.00-Fred says to Wife,"Bugger this, it's too quiet out there, I'm getting up, kids or no kids,"( Macho!)

7.15-Cup of coffee in hand, Fred says,"Shall I waken them, Santa's been."

7.20-All Hell lets loose.

7.30-Ditto.

7.45-Wife says,"Come on, clear this mess up." ( Fred retires to kitchen to cook bacon butties.)

8.00-Bacon butties consumed, wife says to Freddy," Have you got the batteries for the littie ones toy dog?"

8.0.1-Fred says,"Of course, in the drawer, got them weeks ago,"( Yesterday!)

9.00-Turkey goes into oven.

9.05-Turkey comes out of oven.( Forgot to take plastic wrapped giblets out, Doh.)

9.25-Switch on brand new present, DAB Radio. (Planet Rock...Rock on!)

10.00-Chuck all cardboard and plastic into recycle bin, dig up parsnips and sprouts from garden,(Smug bastard aren't I?)

11.00-Chuck more cardboard in bin, prepare starters,( Prawn Cocktail, if you want to know.)

11.15- Bit of air guitar to Planet Rock. Sip first beer.

11.30- Start second beer, eye up bottle of Claret, mix Yorkshire puds.( Pancake batter for non Brits.)

11.45. Crack bottle of claret, Roast taties in oven, Air guitar to Planet Rock.( My fave group T' Who..Won't Get Fooled Again.)

12.45-Turkey out of oven, gravy ready, tats ready, stuffing ready, sprouts ready, remote control dog ready, table set... go for it!

1.15-Well stuffed, pud to consume yet, having a breather, phew!

1.45-Kids dont like Xmas pud, demand Ice-cream.

2.00- TOTP on telly, a brief moment to reflect on today, and the astonishing fact that it actually snowed today. A White Christmas.!!!!

2.45- Chuck kids out in snow.(Peace on Earth, goodwill to all parents.)

3.00-Queens speech, (Couldn't understand a bit of it, except, "My Husband and I,")

3.15- Fred ain't washing up, "I've just spent 3 hours cooking your dinner and doing a very passable air guitar rendition of Joe Walsh's -Rocky Mountain Way."

3.16- Fred starts washing up.

3.20- Daughter takes pity on me offers to help.

3.21- Fred retires to living room and considers wether to watch, "Singing in the rain," or "Whie Christmas." Decides on "White Christmas." ( Purely for the military interest, and the fact that I can mess about with my new Windows XP media version computer.)

Talking about my new compu.....( sorry!)

4.00- Kids lost half the bits to their new toys, Wife wants to know what to do with left over Turkey, Bing Crosby has lost his girl, sorry, got her back again, my mistake, lad crushed a Malteser into carpet, by accident, Wife Hoovering. Bing and gang singing "White Christmas."

4.30-All calm- Eastenders on, ( Sings "Silent Night." not well received.)

5.00- Falls over kids toy- (" It's alright son, I'll fix it tomorrow.")

6.00- Play Bingo, with Wife and a 5 and 7yr old. (Parents will understand.)

7.00-Wife says, " I'm a bit bushed, can you sort the kids out, I fancy a nap."

7.30- "Harry Potter or no, your'e still going to bed."

8.00-" No, No, No, get back to bed." (Now I know why I had to wake them this morning.)

9.00- Sit at computer, (my new one you know.)

10.00- "Silent Night, All is calm."

11.00- Goodwill to all folk.