The Provvi Man

Tonight I've been out collecting. Knocking on peoples doors and asking them for money.The reason I've been doing this, is because I'm a Provvi man in my spare time.
Let me explain-
Hard up person rings provident financial services and asks for a cash loan.I toodle on in my capacity as a Provvi man and then proceed to give hard up person money. They sign a form which says I can call on them each week and extract money from their benefit/wage/tobacco tin on the mantlepiece,whatever and I'm happy because I get commission on what I collect,Provident is happy because they get their interest(quite substantial, but don't tell the FSA ), hard up person is happy because they know they can't get a loan from any other source.(banks wont entertain the type of person I deal with).The reality is that you spend half the night knocking on doors to find that hard up person cant pay you because-1.They've not been to the post office to cash their giro, or 2.The expected giro hasn't turned up and they've spent all day down at the social trying to sort it out, or 3.They're having a party and the money has gone on booze, I can go on all night with the excuses I hear but this would take all of today and tomorrow.
Some people will say I'm a loan shark preying on poor underpriviliged people, but the majority of my bad payers have widescreen tv's with Sky, mobile phones, George Forman grills and a nice new motor sitting outside on the drive, none of which I've got (with the exception of a mobile phone, but it is a pay as you go Erikson T50). I've got two jobs and I can't afford any of that stuff.
I'ts a hard life being a Provvi Man.
Question of the day- Why dont Kraft single cheese slices cover a slice of bread properly?.